Sunday, July 27, 2008

Bad Momma Moment

For those of you that let your child "cry it out" at some point in his or her life, you may as well stop reading now because I'm probably going to sound like a huge wimp to you. If you're still reading, you must be interested in my story, so here goes:

Last night was one of the worst nights we've had in this house for a long time. It all started when I did (or actually didn't) something that I've feared that I would do since we moved Bear into his own bedroom: I forgot to turn the volume up on the baby monitor. I woke up kind of startled at 12:30. I wasn't sure why I woke up, so I figured I must need to visit the bathroom. I stood up to head that way and glanced at the clock on my nightstand, which is right next to the monitor. The monitor has a series of lights that let you know how loud your baby is crying, and every light on that thing was lit up! I freaked out and ran to Bear's room, where I found him completely turned around from how I had laid him and he was up on his hands and knees. He was crying in a manner that I have not heard him do in at least a couple months: very short, rapid bursts. He used to cry like this when he was at his absolute worst, so I knew he'd been crying for a while. The bed was wet, so I assumed his diaper leaked, but when I picked him up I realized that the dampness was due to tears and snot. My heart BROKE. I picked him up and hugged him tight, apologizing the whole time. I rocked him and fed him, but I could NOT get him to go back in his crib. I'm sure he was thinking that I was going to abandon him again. Or maybe not. Maybe he was just wide awake and didn't want to be alone. Who knows? All I know is that I took him into our bed and let him spend the whole night next to me, which is a very rare thing. I'm sure he's forgotten all about it now, since he's happily napping away in his crib as I write, but it will be a LONG time before I forget. And I think I'll probably wake up multiple times during the next few nights to make sure I turned up the monitor.


Amanda said...

Don't be mad at yourself. I let my kiddos CIO, and I've had this happen to me more than once, sadly to say! He probably doesn't remember it, and will be fine! :) You're a great mom, and taking him to bed with you is making up for it! (better than me!)

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry! The good news is that it was probably way worse for you than for him, and he probably doesn't even remember.

You'll just have to give him extra hugs tonight!