Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Moody

I am in a BAAAAAD mood today, everyone. I have no idea what has brought it on, but I am no fun to be around today. I kind of feel sorry for Bear, since he has to hang with me. He is definitely not the source of the mood and I don't typically take my bad mood out on the wrong people anyway, so I'm not worried. He's still young enough that I can fake happiness and he'll buy it! The mood I'm in has made me annoyed at the dogs and how many times they have wanted in and out the door today. It is very hot and humid out and I don't want the back door open for half the day because the dogs can't make up their minds about which side of it is better. I won't take out my mood on them, either, I promise. I'm also annoyed at the state of our house, but I don't feel like doing anything to make it better. I should clean and maybe redecorate, but I just don't want to right now. Everything just seems blah in here.

I've decided all my clothes look bad on me and I'd like to invite Stacy London and Clinton Kelly over to throw them all out. I actually did put together a fairly large pile of clothes to donate just a bit ago. My body is definitely different than before I had Bear! Not necessarily a lot bigger, just different. I really need to get some new clothes, but I just can't justify spending very much money on them, since I'm home most of the time. A prime example of my need is my swimsuit. I've been wearing the same one for the last 6 or 7 years. Over those years, I've lost and gained weight, I've been pregnant, I've had a baby and my tastes have changed (not to mention the styles!). I really need a new suit, but I was just looking online at some and the ugly ones on sale at J.C. stinkin' Penney's are 60 bucks! What is up with them being so expensive? I'm going to just have to suck it up and get one, I suppose. With the amount I plan on taking Bear swimming, the money won't be wasted.

Also, I don't know why, but I feel stressed. I have nothing to be worried about, but I have this weird feeling that something is hanging over me. It's kind of the same feeling I used to get in college around exam time. There was so much to do and it was all happening so fast that I just couldn't fathom getting through it every semester. I did, though, and I even did it to myself again in grad school! Hopefully it's not just the way I'm doomed to feel while raising a child. There is lots to do with a baby, but surely that's not what's making me feel this way??

After reading over what I just wrote, I'm realizing that it sounds like I'm needing a change. Hopefully I don't sound like a spoiled brat, but I think staying home most of the time and interacting with the same people/pets all the time is getting to me--especially because the individuals (Bear, dogs, cat) I spend most of my days with cannot talk and are always needing something. Hmm...maybe it's time for a vacation or a break or something.

Or maybe it's PMS!! That's a fun thought. I'm not usually too bothered by the monthly stuff, but I'm trying to see if I have a normal cycle by just not taking any birth control this month (sorry if that's more than you wanted to know about me!). That was my problem when I was trying to get pregnant with Bear--no regularity/predictability whatsoever, so I took Clomid to fix that. I'm kind of curious as to whether or not having a baby changed my body the way that so many people have told me that it did for them. So when in doubt, blame moodiness on hormones, right??

Bear is napping right now and we're going grocery shopping after he wakes up. Hopefully, that will bring me at least a little out of my funk. Although shopping for groceries isn't the most fun in the world, it'll get me out of the house and I usually feel better when I'm doing something. Sitting around wondering why I'm in such a crappy mood isn't going to make it any better! Also, I feel a little better after writing this. I guess it just made me think about what is actually bothering me, if anything. Hopefully, my next post will be a happier one!

1 comment:

Lauren said...

I'm waiting to find out the exact same thing. I don't even know if I can have a cycle without Clomid or birth control!

You should find some time to treat yourself to something nice-- a manicure, lunch with a friend, even a movie by yourself. Sounds like you need a break! I've soooo been there. :)