Thursday, May 1, 2008

Rollin', rollin', rollin'

Bear has started rolling over! He looks so cute--when we lay him down to go to sleep, he starts jerking his legs until he just sort of falls over to the side. So I guess he's a side sleeper for the time being. He rolled to his stomach last night and then started crying, so then I got nervous. Maybe I'm being overprotective, but I know that the greatest danger of SIDS happening is between 2 and 4 months. He's in the middle of his 3rd month, so I really want him to sleep on his back. Once he gets to his stomach, he can't really do anything but root around on his mattress. Max thinks he's only a day or two away from being able to roll from his front to his back, but I don't know. He REALLY hates being put on his stomach, so with any luck, he'll cry every time he ends up that way. I have gotten up to check on him more than usual, just to make sure he's not face down on the mattress and he's been on his side every time. Everyone tells me not to worry, because he's strong and would probably lift or turn his head if he got into a situation where he couldn't breathe, but I know that he's a deep sleeper sometimes, too. Besides, I'm a momma. Isn't worrying in my job description?

Other than worrying about Bear, I also worry about myself. I worry about my lack of confidence to tell people what I really think sometimes and I really want to work on getting over this. I've done this pretty much all my life and you'd think I'd get better about it as I've gotten older, but no, I've just gotten better at avoiding the truth in many situations. I guess I don't want to hurt people's feelings or make them think anything bad about me, so I'm not completely honest about things. For example, yesterday, I had a friend call to ask if Bear and I wanted to go to the park or something. Well, during the same phone call, my friend also told me her kids had been sick with fevers/colds/ear infections, but were feeling much better now. Well, Bear is only 3 months old and I do NOT want him getting that stuff yet if he doesn't have to. Rather than telling my friend that, I told her that I was too busy cleaning in anticipation of my mom's arrival. It just wasn't the whole truth. I was cleaning, but I could have taken time out if I wanted to. Why couldn't I have just told her that I don't want Bear around sick kids? It's stupid, is what it is. I'm not scared of my friend, I just didn't want to deal with the argument that they are not contagious, they are acting like themselves, blah, blah, blah. Because I know that's what would have followed, due to previous experience with the same friend. She's just been a mom longer than I have and I worry more about stuff (when it comes to my kid) than she does. Plus, nothing against her daughter, but the little girl just keeps on kissing Bear on the face. It's sweet, but I know I wouldn't be able to get her not to do it just because she was a little sick. And dang it, I don't want to deal with a 3 month old with a cold! I know he's going to get sick at some point in his life, but why make it sooner than it has to be? Anyhow, I wish I had just told my friend the truth. It'll probably come up again at some point...maybe I'll be honest then.

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